May 26th…it’s the second hardest day of each year. It’s the day the twins were born, and the day Amy and I had waited on for so long. We were overjoyed at their birth, yet terrified of their fragile state and tiny bodies. For parents who have endured the loss of a child, major events and milestones are always a period of reflection. For those of us who were blessed with twins, yet lost one of their children and learned the term “surviving twin,” we experience completely opposed emotions surrounding those major events and milestones.
After we lost Leighton, but still had Jaxon admitted to the NICU, we were mourning the profound loss of one, and cheering on the successes of the other. Each May 26th we celebrate how far Jaxon has come, but also are painfully reminded of what might have been. Throughout the day during some of the tough times, we are also reminded that one day we will see and be reunited again with Leighton, and that gives us hope.
Ever since Leighton passed, when we see a rainbow we are reminded of her. Tonight when we visited her gravesite, there was a beautiful rainbow arching over her. We’ve witnessed several rainbows since we lost her, but seeing such a perfect full rainbow on her birthday was a special time for Amy and I. It was like her own special way of providing comfort for Amy and I.
Jaxon has asked questions about Leighton here and again, and we are always very matter-of-fact with him. When we got back from visiting Leighton tonight he wanted to know where we were. We told him we were visiting sissy and he said he wanted to visit her. We told him we would take him to visit her, and he smiled at us and said, “to heaven?” Those are the special moments that immediately put a smile back on our face.
You never get over the loss of a child, but instead learn to live with it each day. We take one day at a time.